Multitasking: Friend or Foe?

As parents we all have to do it. Multitasking is necessary for survival. We have to learn how to pay attention to what the toddler is grabbing while chopping vegetables for dinner and answering the ringing phone.

We multitask on a micro scale as we tackle our basic chores and on a macro scale as we negotiate our multiple roles and responsibilities. Multitasking is a necessary and functional skill. We often measure our competency as parents at least partially on how well we can multitask. So, what's the problem?

I am a multitasking junkie. In many ways this enabled me to balance graduate school and marriage and it now helps me take care of household chores while watching and playing with the boys. But, sometimes my multitasking gets a little out of hand. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to do three things at once and I still have no clue what the rules are for the game my son is explaining to me.

I think I'm being more efficient by handling multiple tasks nearly simultaneously. But, research indicates that we're actually less efficient when we multitask. Apparently, spreading little bits of our attention out onto different tasks or constantly switching back and forth leads to mistakes and misunderstandings.

When possible, we need to slow down and focus on a single task. Our work, whether it's washing dishes or writing memos, is more accurate and more efficiently done if we dedicate our full attention to each task independently. Being present in the moment and giving our full attention to what's in front of us is good for productivity and for mental health.

This is the basis of mindfulness, which is a term that is being thrown around everywhere these days. Mindfulness is being focused on the present moment with nonjudgmental clarity. Being mindful means being aware of where our attention is and choosing to focus it on one thing.

The research bears out - mindfulness is good for the mind. Practicing mindful thinking and meditation is associated with stress reduction, improved attention, and enhanced mood. Basically, mindfulness is good self-care. Learning to be mindful allows us to really hear about our partner's day, to fully attend to our children's stories, and to completely relax when we finally have downtime.

As mothers, can we ever really eliminate multitasking? And should we, if we actually could? Probably not. It is necessary for us to juggle our multiple activities and multiple roles, sometimes at the same time. But, it is also important for us to learn to slow down and fully attend to who or what is right in front of us. It's good for our relationships and for our mental health.

Those Who Can't Do, Teach?!?

Hello and welcome to my blog. As I began this new venture as a private practice therapist (I've been working in a college counseling center for 11 years), I was forced to think about myself and my work differently. All of the marketing gurus say to find a "niche" by identifying your ideal client. So, I started to think, who would my ideal client be?

I came up with women who have difficulty taking care of themselves. Although that can definitely include a range of women with different life scenarios, I initially envisioned the full-time working mother who is constantly doing for others and takes no time for herself. Sounded familiar, not surprisingly. As therapists, we are often drawn to issues that hit home for us.

As I prepared my description of my ideal client and contemplated methods of self-care, I stopped to think about what on my list I actually do myself. I was hard-pressed to find a 100% true example. Sure, I thought, on weekends and during the summer (our quieter time at work) I sleep in and increasing sleep is a form of self-care. But, I only sleep in if the boys do. As soon as one or both are up I'm up, while I let my husband lay in bed for another few hours.

Okay, but I've started exercising again. What that really means is that I use my hand weights while the boys are watching tv or in between chores. Well, I read for pleasure during my train ride to work and I watch tv after the boys are in bed (which doubles as bonding time with my husband).

So, basically, I do what I can conveniently squeeze into my schedule so that it doesn't take away from anything else. Well, is it really self-care if I'm squeezing it in and multitasking? Do I have to take time away from something else for it to count? What would I say to a client about that?

Well, I would probably reinforce her efforts and tell her that its a great start. After all, any self-care is better than none and she can reap many self-nurturing benefits. But, after all of the reinforcement and validation, I would, as we therapists often do, add an afterthought. I'd probably say, briefly without dwelling on it, that there is something important about specifically setting aside time for yourself that says "I, too, am a priority!"

So, what does this mean for me? Can I encourage other women to self-nurture if I'm not quite doing it for myself? Do I even have the right?

Or do I just need to treat myself with the same empathy and reinforcement that I would give to others and say "way to go, good start, you've got the idea" and then quietly remind myself..."and you deserve more."

Join me as we discover together how to make ourselves a priority!